It’s 3 in the morning right now, and all I think about is you. How are you? I haven’t spoken with you for a while. I have a lot of free time, but you don’t. I don’t want it to appear that I wanted to spend time with you, but it seems like I wanted to. I honestly crave your presence. I didn’t know being in a long-distance relationship with less communication would be so painful. I thought I got used to it because of my past traumas, but it’s way worse right now. It’s not that I don’t want to be in this relationship, but missing you kills me. It kills me that I’m too dumb not to message first because I don’t like the “waiting game”. I don’t want to approach first because of the unconscious feelings I have that people might now want to get a message from me, even you. Being ignored was my biggest pet peeve. I tried to distract myself from all the distractions I could think of. I tried to find solutions to every problem my brain was creating.
One day, I gave up. It’s not you. It’s me. It’s me because I’m too scared to feel the pain again. I’m too scared to be left out again. I’m too scared to jump over a cliff, thinking it was you who pushed me.
It’s 3 a.m. in the morning, and even if these thoughts are killing every single feeling I have inside, I’m still holding on to that string of fate I knew I had with you.
