To P:
My first love and my first heartbreak. I fell in love with you when I was just 15. I’ve learned so much from loving you. I discovered how much love I can offer because of you. My first butterflies were because of you. You were my first impulsive decision. I was so in love that I didn’t care about what other people would think. I cried so much during our first breakup. I can’t even remember the reason for our breakup, but all I know is that I blamed myself because I felt like I wasn’t enough. I had a hard time moving on. I had a hard time watching you from afar while you were in love with someone else. What’s harder was that I had to keep on smiling in front of you like I was never affected.
We were so young and immature. I cried every night because of the endless longing for your presence. After a year, you asked me to be your girlfriend again. I accepted you because I was still in love with you. But I think second chances were never really meant for us. After a few months, we broke up again for the second time. It took me two years before I was fully healed from all the sadness and pain. Two years of moving on But even if you broke my heart before, I will never regret falling for you. You are a good man. I know that you never wished me pain or sadness. I’m still thankful that I learned a lot from you.
To R,
I don’t know what to say, but you’re the person that caused me a lot of pain. A pain that I wanted to forget. You’re the person that I wanted to forget forever. You came into my life like a rolling stone. I was 17 and just got off to a new world. If I’m going to describe you, you’re like candy. Sweet and lovely. I was addicted to your presence, to the point where I can’t get enough of you.
But like candies, you’re sugar coated. Full of sweet lies. Like candies, you rot my life like candies rot our teeth. You were the reason I changed a lot. You were the reason I had trust issues. You were the reason I always needed assurance. You were the reason why I overthought things that I should not give importance to. You were the reason I was trying so hard to get rid of this bad habit. You took things from me that I don’t even want to give. You made me feel like I was a fool. I fell in love with a nightmare. I don’t know how to feel about you now. I forgave you already, but I can’t forget the pain you caused.
To K:
You came into my life like a soft, cold wind, like how I always describe it. You picked me up at the lowest point of my life without being aware of the situation I was in. I knew from the start that you already had feelings for me, but I tried to ignore them because I was so scared. I was so scared of falling. I was scared because I didn’t want to experience the same pain I felt with the man I loved before you.
But you patiently waited. You waited until the day when I could finally open my heart again. I never felt butterflies from you. Rather, I felt comfort and warmth. Holding your hand was my favorite. I feel safe, as always. You were a very simple and quiet man. My ideal type, I must say. You were very calm and understanding. It was never easy, but you had a lot of patience. The first three years of our relationship were so rough because of me. It was not easy to get rid of the trauma I felt from the past, and I was so sorry that you had to suffer because of my own ghosts. You were a big part of my life. You were with me when my dad died. You were with me when I failed a subject for the first time. You were my shoulder to lean on. But slowly, you changed. I thought you were the one. I thought you were the one who was going to put a ring on my finger. We planned our future together. We planned our future family, but I guess we’re not really meant for each other. I guess you’re just another lesson in my life and not my final destination. Don’t worry; I will never regret that you became a part of my life. 7 years was a long journey, but I am happy that I had beautiful and happy memories to keep. You’ll always have a place in my heart. I’m always here to support you no matter what.
To E:
There are a lot of things that I wanted to say, but I guess I already told you everything. I met you when everything was unstable in my life. I guess, destiny? We were destined to know each other. You became my happy pill. You never failed to make me laugh or smile. I loved talking to you because I always forgot the time. I felt like I met a friend that I should’ve met years ago. You knew my deepest, darkest secret. You saw my soul. You told me words that will stay forever in my heart. You were special.
I tried my best not to fall for you, but I guess we really can’t teach our hearts what to feel. I fell for you because of our similarities. I feel like I met my male version. The sad part was that I lost you in the process because of just one question. I lost you because of my honesty. Until now, I’m still trying to move on from you even if we never really had something more than just being friends. I am still happy that I met you. You were my sunshine. You were my twin. The man I never had.
